is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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