I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
