please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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