i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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