At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
