Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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