I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
