So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
