CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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