Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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