He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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