dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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