you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
