have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
