grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He passed out mid-signature
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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