He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
