I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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