I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
