____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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