Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
