don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
