the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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