Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
