I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
