After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
