I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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