you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i think i have two assholes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
