I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Randomize
