Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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