paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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