You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
