Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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