sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
