i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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