so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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