mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
