please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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