Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
