You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
