i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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