That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have post one night stand depression
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
