i need an iv and a liver transplant
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize