So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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