You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
