And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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