How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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