I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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