i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
