So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
