I will die if light touches me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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