dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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