There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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