look no pants
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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