Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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