there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
