Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
