Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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