I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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