so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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