I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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