So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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