I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
