Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
