There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
