Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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