There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
