He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
