I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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