He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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