I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
