Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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