For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We smell like vodka and hangover
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
