Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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