can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
