i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize