My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
