we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
