So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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