So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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