Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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