...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
