other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
