Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't deserve a penis
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize