o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
