Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
