I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
