So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We left an ass print on the piano.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
