A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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